I had a thought (well a string of thoughts, really) the other day while I was waiting on a crowded 7 train platform on my way to work. Why do I feel unqualified to do anything? Why do I feel like just because there are other people in this world with more knowledge and experience than me, that means that I can’t apply for or chase opportunities? I’m sure much of this is some internalized misogyny as perpetuated by our patriarchal society. I’m also sure it goes deeper than that and links back to a lot of the things I’ve struggled with in my past and am currently working to heal. But really, why is my personal definition of “qualified” so much more intense and strict than everyone else’s?
I struggle with self-judgement because my brain tends to think that the line between confident and entitled is much thinner than it actually may be, and any sort of self-promotion or even networking makes me queasy. It feels very braggy to me and I’m just not into it. But I’m working on it because deep down I know that advocating for myself and my skills isn’t actually bragging, even if my subconscious thinks it is.
Which brings me to the last quarter moon (half moon) in Aquarius.
It arrives Thursday, May 18 at 8:33p Eastern and it’s a time to release all your judgments, especially those you hold toward yourself. So I'll be working on getting over my fear/hatred of advocating for myself.
I love a half moon because it allows all of us to play detective and journalist, and as a journalist who loves her Law & Order: SVU, this is really the moon phase that comes most naturally to me.
I don’t have a “woo woo” crystal meditation this time or a long vinyasa flow because so much of this waning moon phase is about introspection, sitting quietly and figuring things out for ourselves. Especially since the moon is in Aquarius, an air sign. In other words (if you’re familiar at all with Ayurveda) it’s about to get REAL VATA. So ground.
Seriously, this is the time for your restorative supta baddha konasana, your seated forward folds, supine twists and long savasanas. Hold your tadasana and move through virabhadrasana I and II, but maybe skip the vinyasas and make it a slower more deliberate flow with more low lunges, anjaneyasanas and less chaturangas.
Eat some oatmeal and avocados and sit on the floor. Maybe eat your oatmeal on the floor. It’s fun. I do it all the time because my body rejects chairs. I don’t know why this is. I have a fuck ton of earth elements in my natal chart so I always use that as an excuse but really, I just like sitting on the floor. I love to ground.
But back to the moon. What can you do to use the energy of this half moon to your benefit? Release judgement and be objective.
Here are some questions to ask yourself during this last quarter moon phase. Sit with them, collect the data. Be Detective Olivia Benson investigating your own life. Our girl Olivia is thorough, so give your own introspection the same examination she gives to all the facts of a case.
Think back to your new moon intentions, did any of them come to fruition during last week’s full moon? Which ones didn’t? Why do you think that was? What got in your way? Do you even want to set that intention anymore? If you don’t, let it go. If you do, how can you reframe it in a more positive, accessible way?
Think about your boundaries: personal, professional, emotional, physical, mental, etc… Are they serving a purpose or are they just roadblocks? Where did they come from? Are they necessary or were they born from fear? Don’t judge them, just collect the data.
Have you been authentic? Or have you been trying to fit in? In what ways could you begin to be more authentic? Are there areas of your life that feel forced? How could you begin to bring ease into those areas? Do you let your freak flag fly or do you hold back? Are there specific situations where you hold back? Why do you think that is?
Now, I know that given the probing nature of these questions it can be very easy to judge ourselves and to think that we messed everything up and feel like we’re so far behind the curve that we’ll never catch up.
First, that’s incorrect. We’re always right where we need to be. Second, try to remember that this is our egos talking and our egos like to distort the truth. Third, and apologies for the extended Law & Order metaphor, but what’s the one thing Olivia always says to whoever she’s interviewing? It’s always something along the lines of “just be honest with me.” Be honest with yourself because if we can’t be honest with ourselves who the hell are we ever going to be honest with? Ask yourself these questions like you’re a compassionate friend lending an ear. Become your own best advocate.
Get introspective and be objective,